It was not too long ago when my partner and I separated. Despite what she might say, I felt largely responsible for our relationship not working. And as much as she wanted it to work, she couldn’t ignore her gut feeling (and rightly so). The separation was difficult for both of us, not the least because we had gotten close quickly. We both felt our connection was nothing short of cosmic during the brief time we were together. The relationship felt organic and it seemed to check all the right boxes for me.
It was hard for me to let go of the relationship, as I had never gotten along with someone more in my life. I felt emotionally dependent as a result of our separation. I found it hard to come to terms with the fact that someone I loved cared about me greatly one day and the next day I didn’t evoke that same feeling in them no more. I felt abandoned in many ways. Suffice it to say, I had never felt more alone in my life than when we parted. I found myself engulfed with despair and grief. It felt as if my world was falling apart. The dreams we shared together for our forseeable future were shattered overnight. It was painful to say the least.
As part of the healing process, I vowed to myself to never be dependent on another soul (emotionally or otherwise) for my happiness and well-being. I realized it was okay to be alone and that I didn’t need anyone to make me happy. While we may know this on one level, it can be challenging to stay in-dependent due to our societal conditioning.
This isn’t to say we don’t have relationships, but it’s important to remember why. For instance, the reason we seek out relationships is mostly because we think they will make us happy. However, others are not responsible for our happiness or how we feel. No one can make us truly happy unless we are happy ourselves. Besides, happiness isn’t something that is found on the outside, but more on that in another draft. True in-dependence is when the only person we need to be dependent on is ourselves. Moreover, only two in-dependent people can come together to form a beautiful relationship.
This experience reminded me that relationships are about giving (not taking). The more we give, the less we need. I ended up taking more from the relationship, (even if inadvertently). Maybe it was destined for things to turn up this way. I don’t know.
The other thing is we are only ever entitled to loving others, but being loved by them in return is not in our control. This is another one of those things we may know, but it’s hard to come to terms with it in reality. Knowing this beforehand didn’t make it any easier for me.
Here’s the thing. It’s okay to be alone. We don’t need to rely on another soul for our happiness and well-being. Besides, others are not responsible for making us feel happy unless we are happy ourselves.
If you meet someone in your journey of life who happens to vibrate at your frequency, then that’s great. Even if not, it’s okay. You are okay. And that’s okay.
It’s okay to be alone. In the end, we are all alone. And that’s okay.