How many times during the day/week do we concern ourselves with what others in our lives should be saying or doing? How often do we blame others in our thoughts about situations past? We keep having this inner dialogue about what could/would/should have happened and how things might have turned out differently. It’s easy for us to lose our mind and get reactive when people or situations don’t go our way, which only makes it worse. We tend to blame and point fingers at others. For instance, we may complain about things wrong with the world whilst watching television or while chatting with friends. But, this way, we only drain our energy, because we are thinking about what’s beyond our control.
In every action and thought, we metaphorically write our own script. When we choose to focus on other people’s actions and behavior we sacrifice the writing of our own. Writing other people’s script is akin to thinking about what they should be saying or doing. When they don’t, we lose our mind, and focus our attention on them rather than staying stable and centered. We let others disturb our peace. We can only ever write one script at a time. If we start to write other people’s script, we’re likely to forget our own and get reactive in the process. This will only worsen our situation. We can be nice to others even when they are not so nice to us. For example, two people talking over each other isn’t a dialogue. It’s an instance where both of us have lost control of our own script and got caught up with writing the other’s script. This way, only anger and frustration will ensue. The thing is, we can keep writing other peoples’ script, but what good is that going to do? It’s a total waste of our time and attention. The irony is we write scripts for others in our lives all the time, when they are least likely to use it.
Here are some ideas for writing our own script.
We need to be stable in any situation. That means we need to stay in-dependent of people and situations by letting them stay outside of our mind, so we remain unaffected by their energy. In any case, we are only concerned with our response by virtue of writing our own script as in what we think, say, and do. This is not going to happen on its own. We need to devote some time every day to build that emotional strength. We need to charge our batteries every day just as we charge our phones every day. Moreover, our choice lies in our thinking, and not in our saying or doing, because what we think is what we say and do.
When others get reactive, we can choose to keep our composure, so we can influence them better. This way, we help them slowly return to peace and calm. Practicing empathic listening goes a long way in doing just that. By doing this, we can help others focus on writing their own script, while they keep their emotions in check.
For instance, others may cause harm or do wrong to us by stealing things, taking our money, or causing us grief in some way. While it’s beyond our control for those situations to have occurred as someone else was responsible for it, what’s in our control is how we think about it afterwards and how we choose to keep our loss only until that point, without letting it affect our peace, health, and harmony in our relationships.
We need to learn to always think right, no matter what. For instance, we can develop a habit of always having positive thoughts for ourselves and others. We need to be able to forgive and forget others for the pain they have caused us. But we are forgiving ourselves first, so we can stop experiencing the pain and help the other person do the same. That way, we can both move on.
Anytime we think we are doing something to others, we are doing it to ourselves first. For instance, if/when we are mad at someone, we are experiencing that anger ourselves first. Whatever we think we are doing to others first gets created in our mind, and so we are the first to experience it. This may not have any effect on others depending on their emotional strength. In any case, whatever we do for others, regardless of good or bad, it’s more for ourselves and less for them.
We mostly concern ourselves with what others should be saying or doing and how they should be behaving, lest we forget we have no control over others. We need to stop writing other people’s script by stopping thinking about what others should have done in the past. That only depletes our soul power and doesn’t help our cause. Let’s not forget, we can only ever be upset from the choices we make.
Let’s write our own script. It’s such a relief to know we can’t change others nor do we want to. That means we don’t have to try to write other people’s script by thinking or saying what they should be doing (or have done). We just need to focus on our own script for our sanity and well-being; this will help us not only in the present, but also in the future. When others get reactive, it’s only by taking care of ourselves, we can help them retain their calmness. We always have a choice in how we respond to others. The only question is if we are going to exercise it.
P.S. I’ve learned some of these insights from Sister Shivani at Brahma Kumaris.